What will you do, N?

“All your life you’d waited for someone like me”.
Well, you had her, completely, unequivocally.
But you’re someone, I realise, who doesn’t like joy.
It wasn’t long before the child was bored of his toy.
The cycle began of my devaluation,
Then discarding followed by reconciliation
Once I’d begged and pleaded for you to see
That if we worked things out, how happy we’d be.

You said I was demanding, stifling, and needy,
And then you asked to move in with me.
You were such a good liar, always had me confused,
But your last rage left me knowing I’d been used.
You wrote that you were prepared to apologise to me,
But I didn’t reply, doubting your sincerity.
I know you’d have found some way to get through
If me hearing your words had been important to you.

Tell me, what will you do now there’s no-one to blame?
Where will you direct all your anger and shame?
At your mother, who thinks you can do no wrong?
You’d said she loved having a “sensitive” son.
Or will you find a new love to charm and beguile,
Lying and flirting with others all the while?
It hurts to think I’ll be quickly replaced,
Despite knowing, deep down, I’d a lucky escape.

Are you lonely, N, relieved, depressed, are you fine?
Have you persuaded yourself that the fault was all mine?
I’m guessing so – you were good at projection.
You made us both fall for your twisted perceptions,
And stole 6 years of me to prop up your ‘self’.
Now I’m reclaiming my mind, my sanity, my health.
One day, N, I may wish you peace and success,
Right now you are someone I just want to forget.