My last texts from XN - a translation

XN's last texts to me when he got back from Spain (the holiday we were supposed to be on together before he went mad and I threw him out):


15:20
"I'm back."

[WOO-HOO...sound the fanfare! XN is gracing England with his presence once again! Come here so I can fall at your feet once again....]

17:10
"Don't know if you're not talking on purpose.."
[No I've been at the hospital for the last two hours with the relative who had the accident that I told you about, remember, you self-absorbed pr**k]

"Had a sh1t time really as I kind of said in my e-mail"
[Oh no, did you? You poor baby...out in the sun in Spain on your own..I'm so sorry for you..and I had such a brilliant weekend, in England, in the rain, spending most of my time at the hospital and trying to sort out other family stuff that was going on...but don't worry about me! YOU'RE the important one here!]

"My e-mail address still blocked?"
[No..and if you could remove your head from your navel for just 2 minutes to read the e-mail AND the letter that I'd sent you whilst you were away you would have seen that I'd unblocked your e-mail address]

The next day:
"Are you ok?"
[Translation: I'll pretend to care in the hope that she replies]

"Let me know you're ok and I'll leave you alone if you want me to...."
[Translation: I want the last word here]

"I guess you're not replying to me is a message to me. I've done this to you before I know. I hope nothing has happened to you. Let me know that please."
[Yeah, yeah....I'm just sooooo caring all of a sudden. If you are lying in the hospital mortally wounded, I'd better warn you that I may not make it to visit you...I'll have a lot to catch up on in work, you know]

The next day:

"Nothing?
[Oooh you're quick!]

"I'm upset now"
[You poor love]

"I'm ready to apologise for being nasty to you. So sorry."
[Oh thank you soooo much...only a week after the event??? I AM a lucky girl!]

"If you've made up your mind not to speak to me, just say that."
[Translation: because I really do want the last word here]

"If this is a game, please stop"
[You clearly don't know me very well even after all this time because you would know that I don't play games, you idiot]

And the last ever text:
"FFS Sanegirl. Something please."
[How romantic. You can't even plead without swearing...]

And there you have it. My last ever communication with XN, the guy who I thought was the love of my life.