From "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans

"When there is no witness to one's experience and no validation of one's reality, one must rely solely upon one's own feelings and judgement. This is difficult for anyone. It is doubly difficult for the partner because the abuse itself diminishes her ability to trust her own feelings and her own judgement. Her feelings and judgement are constantly condemned by the abuse."

"The victim of abuse is taught to believe that, although she is hurting, she shouldn't be, or that she is in some way responsible. From childhood, she is conditioned not to understand her feelings and so not to recognise the truth. This truth is that she is being abused and blamed for the abuse (as if it could be justified) and for feeling bad about it (as if her feelings were wrong)".

"The abuser who chooses to withhold feels more in control and more powerful if he can remain distant from his partner and, consequently, keep her at bay and yearning. He may also experience a heightened sense of power if his partner's enthusiasm is dampened by his coldness. He seeks this Power Over in order to protect and defend himself from his own feelings of inadequacy.
Likewise, the abuser defends himself against his overwhelming feelings of powerlessness by countering his partner. When he declares himself to be right and his partner to be wrong, he believes himself to be the winner - more powerful and in control."

"A strong person can acknowledge weakness; a confident person can acknowledge mistakes. One who really feels weak and inferior inside cannot do so....Since abusive men secretly feel very weak, they work even harder at denying their feelings, projecting them onto available others, the most available being their wives."