I was talking tonight to a friend who works with XN. I'd avoided her for a while because I didn't want to hear about him but we spoke tonight and did venture into talking about him.

She said that she'd been in a meeting with him and a secretary had come in to arrange a meeting with him. He'd shouted at her something like "For God's sake woman, get out!" and got up and slammed the door in her face.

My friend said she was shocked and uncomfortable.

She said that he's been like this more and more in work lately and she also said that he's still coming into work every Sunday. He used to do that when he was with me because he'd get stressed about his job or he couldn't bear to be on his own. If I was busy, or after I'd moved away, he'd go into work every Sunday without fail. Which I think is a bit sad really. It's not like he's got tons and tons of work to do. He just had nothing else to do.

She also said that she was in a meeting with him & another guy and they were both trying to show off by slipping philosophical references into their sentences. XN did philosophy at university and used to try and run rings around me by countering any argument I made with "well...if you look at Engels theory of such and such, you'd realise that what you've just said is completely meaningless in that context!" WHAT?????

My friend said she watched them bat these references backwards and forwards til eventually she said, "I think you've both got equal points now!" She said she was groaning inwardly at their pompousness!

Apparently people in work are starting to notice his bad temper and she also said (which she's said before) that he looks really tragic hanging around with this bunch of friends who are so much younger than him.

He's only just turned 35 but is almost completely grey & apparently has grown a bushy beard that is almost all grey as well.

I kind of feel sorry for him...he cuts a tragic figure! When I dipped on facebook a few weeks ago, I saw a photo of him out with these young colleagues. Under one of the photos of him and a female colleague he'd commented "that guy looks hot!" and this colleague had put, "Hmm...XN...did you have your glasses on when you looked at that photo???" and he'd replied "yes I did, and I think he looks hot!"

He's so desperate for supply that he's having to compliment himself!

I know this is N dipping by proxy and I won't be speaking to this friend for ages again now but it does help to validate that he is rude & aggressive with other people. I spent 6 years being brainwashed into thinking that it was all my fault because he'd be awful to me and then I'd see him making an effort with other people.

My work has suffered massively over the last few months as well and it annoyed me to think that he was getting awards worth thousands and I'm not shining in my new job like I wanted to because I'd been so cut up over him.

XN had spent his £15k award for being brilliant in work that he'd won on a week long residential leadership course that he was on last week (he'd booked this before I went NC). My friend's husband has been on the same course and she said that they have psychologists there getting under their skin for the entire week and that he would probably have found that really uncomfortable. I'd love to know what they turned up with him!

It did help to learn that he's showing his true colours in work. I wondered who he'd take his temper out on now that I've vacated the position of chief verbal punchbag and rage buffer for him. I wrote a poem a while back in which I wondered who he would blame now for his anger and shame. Anyone who gets in his way now, it seems.