Driving

I always feel worse when I'm driving. I've had to drive a lot in the last couple of weeks and I find my mind wandering. When you're in the car, you can't go and do something else to distract yourself. You just have to sit there and hope that something good comes on the radio to take your mind off it.

It's 2 hours to my parents' house and I'm having to go down every weekend to help out with my aunt (who has a broken leg) whilst my parents are away. I dread sitting in the car for that time. It gives me way too time to think about the N and no way of distracting myself.

I was reading some stuff on here last night and on Baggage Reclaim, and reading others' almost virtually identical stories of the behaviour that their Ns meted out makes me wonder why the hell I stayed with mine for so long. When you're in it, for some reason it doesn't seem so bad as when you hear other people's experiences of almost the same behaviour (or is that just me?). I felt really depressed last night at having let someone treat me so badly for so long.

I've been isolating myself too. I think I posted something similar yesterday in a thread about feeling ashamed. I've been staying away from a lot of people and only doing really "safe" things. I've been feeling rude and wish I could just get over it and be back to normal (whatever that is). I want to be my friendly, bubbly self again. But right now, I feel like retreating. I'm scared of seeing people who will ask how I am. I'm not in a good state but people don't want to hear that - they want to hear that you're fine, so I've decided to stay on retreat til I can tell people I'm fine and mean it.