What does he think of me now?

I'd like to imagine he's kicking himself for losing the best thing he ever had.

I do think that, when he's alone at night, he will think that he screwed it up. He knows and has admitted to me before that I wasn't the problem.

Mine has't got a long list of women. There were only 2 girlfriends before me and he wasn't really into one of them (though never criticised her in any way) and the other was a short relationship whilst he was living in Australia for a few months.

I was longest relationship by a long way - 6 years as opposed to 2 years for one and 9 months for the other. However, I think he just thinks we didn't get on when, in reality, we got on perfectly well when he wasn't being a lying, porn consuming, flirting, raging b*stard.

My therapist asked me to think rationally about it all when I was getting upset. She asked me if he cared about his mum (the OW in his life). I said "I think he cares about her as much he can care about someone." My therapist shrugged as if to say - there's your answer when you ask yourself if he cared about you.

He stuck with me for 6 years and I'm 99% sure he didn't cheat. She said that there must have been something about me that he liked otherwise he would have moved on a long time ago and I certainly didn't put up with his BS. He would also tell me that he was 'very picky'.

Three times during occasions when we weren't together "friends" tried to set him up with people and he was so scathing about the girls that they were trying to set him up with that he didn't do anything (reassuring to hear when we got back together but not nice to hear him be so rude about people). Mine wasn't good at making friends or chatting women up so I think/hope he's very lonely now and is cursing himself for screwing up something that could have been perfectly good. If he's going into work every Sunday still (as I hear) and is raging at people who don't deserve it (as I also hear) then, as my therapist said, he's not the love light in his eyes from the sounds of it.

Like I said, a girl can dream.