If I cried, my ex just seemed to despise me more. It would fuel his rages and he would pace up and down shouting at me more whilst I sat there and sobbed in disbelief that someone could 1. hurt me the way he had in the first place, 2. despise me for being upset.
I'm not sure what part of them is missing but something is because it's a natural human reaction to want to comfort someone, especially someone you care about, when they are upset.
I'm not sure if it's because us showing natural emotions holds a mirror up to their own inadequate, underdeveloped emotions or whether they just despise weakness.
Either way, horrible to be on the end of that.
He said to me once, not long after we'd been together, 'oh pleeease give me another chance...' in the most horrible voice. I remember feeling so taken aback that someone could be so nasty....fast forward 6 years and I'm still wondering...!!
He did start trying to comfort me towards the end, in a really contrived way, and I would push him away. And that gave him ammunition for saying - "see, you never want affection from me - you are so cold!" I guess I appreciated mine for at least trying but it did feel unnatural - like most of the nice things he did.
Another time, when he did and said something that was so hurtful I was almost physcially sick (I think I'm a fairly sensible person and that's the most extreme reaction I've ever had with him) I sat there rocking on the bed, sobbing, thinking 'I'm going to be sick, I'm going to be sick'. He stood there saying 'don't be so bloody dramatic, stop playing these games, you're not going to WIN on this one, you know' and then he mimicked my almost hysterical breathing.
And then I threw my arms around him and we all lived happily ever after...
No, actually, I - who am one of the world's biggest softies - actually fantasised about stabbing him through his non-existent heart with a big knife. Very healthy.
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