Christmas morning

I thought of him as I woke on Christmas morning
But was it was him I was really mourning
Or more the man I thought he could be,
That dream man who kept eluding me?

How could I miss a man who never existed,
His true feelings childlike, his emotions restricted;
Only happy when wallowing in misery
Or wringing attention – good and bad – from me?

There was no ‘person’ behind the mask.
The ‘good man’ always just beyond my grasp.
I’d try my hardest and he’d promise he’d change,
But his kind persona was never sustained

At Christmas he’d retreat and I’d be neglected,
I became, every time, an ex, his rejected.
So I thought of him today with curiousity, sadness.
Will he think of me – the girl he made feel so worthless?

In the new year, I know my sadness will subside.
Soon I’ll glad he is no more by my side
My boundaries will be firm, my self-worth revived
And I will proclaim – "I met an ‘N’ and survived"!

Here's to 2010!